You are raining in / I can't escape that feeling

27/12/2010 december 2009

tårar
torkar visst aldrig
och du är inte kvar
du är aldrig kvar

ett år
jag önskar jag öppnade dörren
till mitt vardagsrum
och du satt där

och du vet jag trodde inte på vad
du sa
för jag tror inte på någon

14/11/2010 You are no good you are no good you are no good

Orkar inte
orkar inte vakna på en blöt kudde
orkar inte dig längre.
Försvinn ur mig.
Försvinn ur mitt liv.

Men hur ska jag överleva utan dig?

07/11/2010 So let's get undressed, we need to feel it. Please let's get undressed, we need to live it.

07/11/2010

...jag vet att du vill hångla,

men det går inte...

02/11/2010

GÅR SÖNDER
Bright Eyes - Lime Tree

save me

01/11/2010 Burning kkk

Du fick veta allt. Allt jag kunde säga.
Du kunde inte göra mig illa,
jag är osårbar.
Mitt hjärta var stängt
Du bände upp,
revben efter
revben
lindade in allt svart
i silke
Lita aldrig på någon
och du gav inte upp
jag är osårbar
litar inte på någon
revben efter revben
nuddar först försiktigt
kramar mjukt
kramar hårdare
kväver långsamt
Får ingen luft
Kan inte andas

Jag lät dig lyckas med det omöjliga.

07/10/2010 Blundar. Går mot röd gubbe. Överlever.

20/09/2010 Vakna upp i fel säng i fel stad

12/09/2010 Perfume Genius

My work came back from class
With notes attached
Of a place and time
Or how my body kept him up at night

He let me smoke weed in his truck
If I could convince him I loved him enough
Enough, enough, enough, enough

He made me a tape of Joy Division
He told there was a part of him missing
When I was sixteen
He jumped off a building

Mr Petersen
I know you were ready to go
I hope there's room for you up above
Or down below.

28/08/2010 1 new message

1 nytt meddelande. flight confirmed. vet att vi kommer gå de där olycksbådande knarrande trappstegen en gång till. det är kvicksand. du är. och jag vet att det kommer kväva mig långsamt, men din hud är alldeles för len under mina fingertoppar, spinner silkestrådar. glittrande. och andetagen alldeles för varma mot örat, mumlandes ord jag inte förstår. upp och över. låta näsan försvinna in i din nacke. igen.

28/08/2010 Bowl Of Oranges

tumblr

The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming, so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open. Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.

So I dressed myself and left them, out into the gray streets. But everything seemed different and completely new to me. The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body. And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.

And I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health. I said "there is nothing that I can do for you that you can't do for yourself." He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help." So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt. He said, "I think I'm cured. In fact, I'm sure. Thank you stranger, for your therapeutic smile."

So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone. And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow. But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself, it's best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or a simple song of hope. And that's why I'm singing, "Baby, don't worry, cause now I got you back. And every time you feel like crying, I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad, then we will wait for it to pass, and I will keep you company through those days so long and black. And we'll just keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve, of Love's uneven remainder, our lives are fractions of a whole."

But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall. Then I think we would see the beauty then. We would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges, like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.